For Charlie.

Three weeks old and already you have such a strong hold on so many people, you are quite the powerful little miracle. I was incredibly selfish and kept you to myself most of the pregnancy and even two full weeks after you were born.

I feel like an idiot. I sat in a hospital room with you, all alone, your dad should have been there but I was entirely too stubborn to let myself admit that at the time. Now I read a text from him saying he misses you, and again I feel like that is my fault.

I wish that I could have been a better parent from you from the start, but I guess nothing was going to make us be able to raise you in one household. It's hard because I wish I could give you that, it's all I ever wanted, a Mom and a Dad in the same house....but I am very sorry that is not possible.

Your Dad is amazing, he has been to see you almost every day since I allowed him to come, he texts for pictures and updates multiple times each day and it is something magical to watch his eyes when he is looking at you. He loves you so much, I wish I could give you more time with him, but we are going slow working up more and more each visit. It is hard for me too, I hand you off to him and I feel shattered until you come back again, a few hours of broken heart for me means a few hours of immense happiness for your Dad.

You are so incredibly loved by both of us, and that is why we are doing this together, even though we are not together as a couple. You deserve both parents, two faces smiling at you anytime you need us. You were created out of love, it just wasn't enough to keep us a family under one roof, but we have put that aside to spend as much time as possible with you.

Please know that we are trying, things aren't perfect and will likely never be, but I hope we can keep working at this to make it work as best as possible for you.