panic.

There are certain things that take me back to the worst moments with your dad, and tonight one of those things came up. He texted me that he hadn't been honest with me. I immediately felt like a brick hit me in the chest as a dozen things wrapped my brain, I could only imagine what it was. I texted that I didn't want to know and just as my message sent his popped up "I am just going to say it". I started to panic, I turned my phone off and threw it in a drawer, all I could think about was the last two times he had something to tell me.

One was the day that he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. The other was the day that he finally told me he was seeing someone else.

I eventually turned my phone back on and saw that he had sent a joke after that, just a picture saying "I am batman" but my heart still felt shattered. I won't go into all of the things I thought he was going to tell me, but I realized tonight that the damage done to my heart is not gone. I am still afraid that he will hurt me and we aren't even together. That sucks.

I feel like something that has broken and been glued back together, it only took a small fall to expose the breaks that are still there. Apparently I have not picked up the pieces and rebuilt as well as I thought I had if something meant to be a joke can rattle me so badly. I guess I forgot how much he had hurt me.