Love at first sight.

I remember the day I fell in love with your dad, it was sudden and it swept me away. I waited for him to come to my house, I paced on the phone with my friend and I was so nervous, and as he walked up to my door I heard his phone's text notification, Navi from Zelda, and it made me laugh. We spent hours talking about everything under the sun and I don't think I stopped smiling the whole night, at one point your brothers came back early from the sitter and I watched as your dad played with them, and it made a part of my heart light that had been dark for a while.

 I remember our first kiss and the way it felt, I remember the first time he stayed over, we watched anime and ate pizza. I remember the day he told me he loved me, in German, and I don't think I will ever be able to forget the day he told me he didn't think it was going to work.



For months after we broke up I missed him. There was always such an amazing energy when I was with him, I couldn't believe that I wouldn't be with him anymore....but I knew I was pregnant with you, so a piece of that energy stayed with me.

But none of these memories will ever compare to the way I felt when I saw your dad hold you for the first time, the way he looked at you melted away all of the pain I had held onto through our breakup, and suddenly I fell in love with him all over again. Every day he holds you makes me smile, the way he pretends to eat your feet like a monster will always make me laugh, even after a hundred times, and the way his eyes look when he leaves you makes my heart ache. There will never be a love like what your dad has for you, and I realize as long as he loves you this way I will always love him.

It was hard to be away from him, but it was harder to let him back into my life....into your life.

Know that no matter how you grow up, both of your parents love you, and we are doing this together for you. It is not easy for me to sit every day with a man who stole my heart but doesn't love me the same way I love him, but there is no better man to raise you so I will endure whatever it takes to keep him in your life.